This February, my brother would have been sixty-eight. Would have been, is the operative phrase since it has been thirty years since he was killed. Killed is the nice word, murdered is the truth. The other truth is that one never gets over losing someone unexpectedly, graphically and tragically. Even now, while the pain has lessened, the memories have not. The slightest thing will remind me of him.
I keep the manicure set that he gave me for Christmas one year, in my bathroom drawer. It is worn, some would say falling apart, but it is one of my most precious possessions; one of the few things that I will probably still have until the day I die. I never take it out without thinking about him.
He was my baby brother and I cannot say that we were that close. In fact, when we were younger, I always accused my mother of playing favorites with him, but that doesn’t mitigate the loss. My mother always said you never expect to outlive your children and in my case I didn’t expect to see one of my siblings gone so many years before me.
I walk down a street in an old neighborhood and I am reminded of him. I still can hear his voice. My mind still wonders what might have been if he was not taken away at such a relatively young age. When he died, he was younger than my father was when he married my mother. My father at that age had an entire life ahead of him. My brother did not.
What I have experienced is playing out in families across this nation, over and over and over again. Since Columbine, many families, mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, have been dragged into this reality. All kicking and screaming, I would assume. The pain does not end for them and it never will. The voices of those affected by the mayhem that is consuming our country are crying out; the voices are being multiplied daily it seems and yet there is no response, no solution.
In the aftermath of the most recent tragedy in Florida, there have been increased threats against our schools, even here in the backwaters of one of the most rural states, but no response has been formulated as to how to end the madness. The politicians and people of influence, anyone that should be able to present a solution seem paralyzed, with what I don’t know. Perhaps it is a fear of the NRA. Or, perhaps it’s just because they have never lost a loved one to violence.
I am not afraid of the NRA. I am not afraid to say what should be said. That we should make military assault weapons such as the AR-15 available to our citizenry is absurd. The AR-15 is a high-velocity, lethal weapon designed for combat. They are meant to assault and kill people, not ducks or deer. The target used for practice with an AR-15 is usually the silhouette of a person not a bulls-eye. They are made to kill people; therefore, people should not be able to purchase them. What’s even sadder is that we are losing our children, not hardened criminals to weapons designed for war.
This should be a no-brainer people. Outlawing assault weapons and bump stocks does not mean that hunters will not be able to hunt. It just means that deranged youths and adults will not be able to hunt each other and especially our children.
I will admit that there are other aspects to the problem that need to be addressed as well. The internet has made violence much more acceptable. Our youth are becoming increasingly addicted to violent computer games. Social media has become the center of social interaction, creating individuals who cannot cope with the real world. Recent studies report that one in five teenagers has experienced depression. We have a generation that is growing up without the parental involvement that ensures that children emerge as healthy adults. As a result, there are a lot of deranged individuals roaming around that need to be under psychiatric care. There are many societal issues that need to be addressed, but none of them mitigate the fact that there must be a ban on assault weapons.
My brother was not killed by a gun. He was beaten by a couple of thugs and then left to drown. My anger for guns does not proceed from anything more than empathy for those who have lost a family member, with an entire life ahead of them, to senseless violence. It has to end.