I received a letter recently from someone in my past…very distant past. They wrote to apologize for how they treated me those many years ago. “Dastardly sort, ill mannered”, they called themselves, although if the truth be known, I was not free from fault in the entire situation myself. None of us ever are. There is no end to the harm that we do to each other and except for that which happens to innocent children, all of us bear some responsibility for any chaos that erupts in our lives. While we can sympathize with those in difficult situations, including ourselves, it always bears looking at the actions that resulted in the ensuing difficult circumstances.Unfortunately, today, most of us fall in the same category as Donald Trump who is, according to some of the statements he has made, seldom wrong. Some time ago, he told Jimmy Fallon, “I fully think apologizing is a great thing, but you have to be wrong…I will absolutely apologize sometime in the distant future if I’m ever wrong.”
We all do things, most of us every day, that we should be asking forgiveness for: sins of omission as well as sins of commission. Today, we find ourselves living in a social climate where none of us are at fault any more. It is always the other person’s fault. If we’re unhealthy, it’s the environment, our genes or exposure to harmful elements that caused the problem. If we’re obese, it’s because of the way we were raised, the ingredients in food or we suffer from psychological problems brought on by someone else. If we have a traffic accident, it is the other person’s fault. There’s always an excuse for over sleeping, being late, and missing the boat in general. All you have to do is watch Judge Judy for a few minutes to realize that very few of us are capable of accepting responsibility. It is never our own fault. There’s someone to blame for everything, but it’s never ourselves.
When did we get to the place where we bear little responsibility for our own actions and it is all the other person’s fault? There is no more blatant example that the political carnage brought on by this year’s election. The Democratic Party was especially culpable as far as not accepting blame is concerned. It was the Russians. It was the FBI. It was everyone else. But it was not their fault that party loyalists, those whose plights were ignored and overlooked by the upper echelon in the Democratic party, decided to give their votes to someone that they felt at least understood them.
Strangely enough, I have found that the most successful people are most often those who are able to admit their mistakes, correct them, and learn from them. There is no better teacher than failure. When did we become so ashamed and afraid of the greatest teacher that we have ever had, all of our foibles and follies?
Early in my career I received a sub-standard review. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was criticized for being timid and not having any initiative. I was shaken, but realized that the criticism was valid. I was so afraid of making a mistake that I never tried anything. That never happened again. From that point on, I plowed ahead. I decided that there was a good possibility I would make a mistake 10% of the time. If I could admit the mistake, I could correct it and move on. My decision making ability changed. I had no fear.
Now, I am trying to learn to play bridge well. In order to do so, I have to occasionally go back over my bids or my playing in order to learn and become better at the game. There is no way to achieve the results you are looking for without admitting and looking clearly at your mistakes. Everything we do needs to be scrutinized. You cannot write a great novel without subjecting it to great proofreading. Nothing can be great without casting of the critical eye.
Unfortunately, no one in the position of notoriety today, not Trump, the Democratic and/or Republican party, the media, the lawmakers, Hollywood celebrities, the intellectual elites or the man on the street protesting and rioting, seems to have the ability to cast a critical eye at themselves and assess whether or not they may be part of the problem that they are projecting on others. In my experience, until each side admits that they might be partially at fault (I don’t expect any of those named to ask for forgiveness) our country is not going to be able to move on. We will slide into anarchy with all sides shouting “It’s their fault!”